Have you ever woken up with a slavering wild, red-eyed rat sitting on your chest in the middle of the night giving you the kind of look you might give a Quarter Pounder with cheese? If you haven’t, good for you! You probably don’t have a pest control in NYC problem like we do. You might think that the stories of cat sized rats are just that; stories. Some might be blown our proportion but the rat sitting on me that night was certainly not a rat blown out of proportion and I’m fairly certain that had I not woken up it would have been more than happy to start chowing down.

I can’t recall another time in my life where I might have been looked at as something that could potentially become food but it was enough to bring me bucking awake in a psychotic frenzy sending the rat flying through the room and right into the wall across from the bed. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night, not with the knowledge that my apartment was clearly home to some sort of nest to the red-eyed demons that scuttle through our walls and sewers. No way was I even going to attempt to hit the sack after that.

Rats are a common enough problem when you have enough humans living together. All of our food and even our wastes is practically an all you can eat buffet for the rat. They’re right at home living in the dark corners of human civilization; spilling out from the cracks of our infrastructure to snatch away our crumbs. It’s one thing to see them on the street but it’s another completely different experience to have them brazenly invading our apartments, especially my bed! It’s not as if I bring food into bed with me.